This post was originally written for a great local writer’s room called Creative Light Factory. I volunteer as their Social Media Manager and write weekly blogs for them. It’s been a real joy being able to be a part of something that encourages creativity and community. Please go check them out!
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I was listening to a podcast a couple of weeks ago–I’m definitely a podcast addict–and the interviewer brought up an important question. Paraphrasing, the question went something like: “Have you ever felt anxiety about calling yourself a writer?”
Oof. That question cut to the heart. Has there ever been a writer who hasn’t questioned whether or not they should be assuming the official title? It’s a rare person with enough confidence to ignore all of the self-doubt and interrogation that comes with the drive to write.
Yet if you look at the Merriam-Webster definition of “writer”, it quite simply says: “one that writes”. If only we all could immediately believe and accept the authority of Merriam- Webster.
I had to pause to think about that question though. I have been writing for as long as I can remember. My Mom still has the little books I wrote as a kid. I wrote poetry, creative fiction, and ridiculously long research papers all throughout primary school and the bit of college I got through by the skin of my teeth.
However, most of what I wrote stayed in the abyss of my journals. And it certainly didn’t get me any notoriety or green. Maybe this is my particular struggle, but I have a very hard time seeing the worth in what I create without the external kudos.
So I didn’t start calling myself a writer until I was getting paid to write. Even then, I did so very reluctantly. And ever since then (it’s only been about two years), I’ve been waiting for someone who knows better to come along and call me into question.
“Who are you to call yourself a writer? Prove it!”
Despite expecting some naysayer to come running around the corner any minute, there have been healthy encouragements along the way, telling me to accept what my subconscious has been trying to say for 30+ years: You write, Dear, you always have. That makes you a writer.
The biggest influence on my ability to continue pursuing writing has been getting my doubts out in the open. I found a particular friend who quite stubbornly kept at me to share my writing with her and then with others. Whenever I air out the doubts that have been muddying up my brain, she comes back at me with something like: “You are a way more kick-ass writer than you realize.” (I might actually believe her someday).
Surprisingly, the other thing that has helped was revising my resume. I know, I know, but hear me out. As much as I loathe updating my resume, it forced me to really sit and think about what my true accomplishments actually are.
If I were to write about what another person has done and how it can be used towards the good of an organization, I would include things about them that I would probably either forget or completely belittle about myself. Yet if I were to flip that on its head to write about myself the way I’d write about someone else, with difficulty I’d find some things out about my skills that I most likely never realized before.
I know that you might not be encouraged in the same ways that I have found helpful. But I would still challenge you to find a friend or someone else you trust who is in your corner. Let them know what kinds of things you think about or feel when you’re looking at your writing. See how their perspective might bring some freshness and light to the dark corners you’ve kept to yourself.
And start calling yourself a writer. I’m sure something inside you has been trying to let you know this truth about yourself for a while now. Give it a good listen. See what it feels like to own it.
I am a writer.
Inching Into Eternity 